@andrewdrafts: If I say "Bloody Mary" three times in the mirror in the dark I get a free drink, right?
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@JessBWatson: I'm not sure what I did wrong but the pile of LEGOs left on the bath mat while I was in the shower seems like some kind of threat.
@WilliamRodgers: My buddy's PRETTY drunk... So I took the car key off of his keychain... He's been trying to start his car with a house key for 4 hours now
@abhorrent_wife: Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.
@NikiWithIssues: I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.