@thexythara: If I say "I don't know, let me look", I'm really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you're on hold.
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@colegamble: The strangest thing happened. A coworker who always says, "Living the dream" was mysteriously stabbed 37 times in the neck with my car keys.
@kelkulus: If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with "My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless." #SOTU
@ibid78: *opens car door to drop kid off at school & sees kool aid instead* If you're here then.. [cut to kid bursting through a wall like 'oh yeah']
@WiseguyPictures: "I feel like I got off on the wrong foot." - Star of a foot fetish flick criticizing his performance