@OpenClassMX: If I say I love you, don't read too much into it. I just told this cheesecake that I love it, too.
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@ArfMeasures: DATE: What's your favourite movie? ME: Kill Bill DATE: Oh. I prefer things more sophisticated ME [long pause] Killiam William
@TheTweetOfGod: Man shall not live on bread alone. Yet it is easy to forget this at restaurants and end up full before the appetizer.
@ericsshadow: [wife walking in the door after work] WIFE: I had just had the worst... why are our kids in the dog cage? ME: a hello would be nice.