@zachreinert03: If I see someone is too drunk I take their keys. Not for safety, they're probably blacked out and just won't remember I stole their car.
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@delusions_of: The guy at the urinal next to me doesn't appreciate my theories on "Game of Thrones".
@MarfSalvador: mob boss: rip his fingernails off henchman: they're bitten really short mob boss: then do his toenails! henchman: [removing my socks] you're not gonna believe this
@lloydrang: I just ran 4.1 Kms and realized you can write anything you want after that and no one will read it purple monkey dishwasher.