@bossybutfair: If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity.
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@murrman5: [wife talking to me on phone 45 mins after I go to play poker at friends house] "stop crying for a second...what do you mean you lost me?"
@RobDenBleyker: Is there an app that makes the flatline noise? Bet I could freak out some nurses.
@CherBear162: Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"
@SortaBad: Priest: Do you take this woman to be your wife? Me: "I do" Priest: Ok can you say it again without using finger quotes while you do it