@designersays: If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I'm gonna stab you.
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@DevilryFun: I'm so tired, I'm thinking of visiting my grandma just so I can take a swig outta her oxygen tank.
@UnFitz: Bought a shirt in the UK. Care instructions say "iron whilst damp." I still have no idea when to iron that thing.
@Sal0630: I was close to becoming a rap god. But then 1 day my mom licked her thumb to wipe a smudge off my face as a kid & ruined all my street cred.
@GrowlyGrego: *walks out of prison, a free man. *guards shouting from gate "From! At! For! With!" What? "Oh, we always end sentences with a preposition"