@designersays: If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I'm gonna stab you.
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@threeinchgiant: If Wile E. Coyote really wanted to destroy the Road Runner, he should have just proposed.
@gitson_shiggles: If people on Twitter found a horses' head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops.....
@daemonic3: As an ultimate act of selflessness, someday I will travel to a 3rd world country and adopt a small, less fortunate highway.
@AbrasiveGhost: WIFE: I think he's in a midlife crisis "Why, did he buy a new car?" WIFE: not yet [I pull up on a sleigh pulled by roughly 1000 raccoons]