@designersays: If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I'm gonna stab you.
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@weinerdog4life: When I tell my wife I'm gonna have to work late she knows it's code for I was playing with super glue and I'm stuck to my desk again.
@dshack8: So then I said, "Spit on it first, then see if it'll fit." ...And that's why my wife no longer allows me to help our son with puzzles.
@CabetoMejia: From 3am to 6am this morning I wanted to kill myself, but now I want some French toast. #cravings