@Swishergirl24: If I tell you I can't text you because I'm driving it's only because I'm also eating.
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@Brianhopecomedy: I inform my 4 year old that she's going to a friend's house 5 minutes before we leave so she only asks me when we're going 6000 times.
@JosesLovesYou: I remember back in the day when you had to roll up a tiny scroll and give it to a falcon to tweet
@Robbie_Cakes: Why do people always look so embarrassed walking down the street with a pizza box? Be proud man, you've got a pizza!