@ShrinkMedia: If I wake and then I bake, I pray The Lord for chocolate cake. Amen.
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@topaz006: *drives up to liquor store door, honks horn *wine jumps off shelf, hops into my car *speeds off
@Thedudish: That awkward moment when your girlfriend is looking up for a noodles recipe on your computer and opens a file called "Asian."
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] No, he could speak more languages than that. He had racist shoulders. His front teeth were impatient.
@weedhitler: THIS IS THE COPS. WE KNOW YOU HAVE NWA'S "FU*CK THE POLICE" ON REPEAT IN THERE. COME OUT & SAY SORRY TO OFFICER DAVIS. YOU MADE HIM CRY DUDE