@ShrinkMedia: If I wake and then I bake, I pray The Lord for chocolate cake. Amen.
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@UNTRESOR: Date etiquette: The smaller fork is a salad fork. Use the larger fork to eat the salad fork.
@ScottFilmCritic: If you only see one raccoon getting a marriage proposal today, make it this one.
@Phoebetate: I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain't got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
@truegritrumble: (First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No.