@oxygenplug: If I was a doctor I would scare my patients by pretending to go check google every time they asked me a question
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@Kyle_Lippert: "What do we call this war?" "The World War?" "No. There's already been 1 of those" "Uh this is a world war, too" *the streetlights explode*
@CulturedRuffian: I don't regret pressing the close button in the elevator when people are running. If they have all that energy-they should take the stairs.
@iamburtjarvis: ufo crew: why are we hovering? ufo captain: i wanna pet those dogs ufo crew: why not land? ufo cap: those talking monkeys are annoying af
@Oh_God_Why_Me: Just told my driving instructor to put his seat belt ON for his safety. I'm definitely going to get the license this time.