@stupidityHQ: If I was a germ, I'd probably be from the 0.01% that Purell can not kill.
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@LinajkReturns: You have beautiful eyes. Too bad they're attached to the head of a stark raving lunatic.
@bridger_w: I wonder how smart I'd be if my brain were as good at remembering anything as it is at remembering every humiliating thing I've ever done
@kyry5: "Hey Siri, what's a narcissist?" *Siri turns on front-facing selfie cam* "Whatever bitch, you're just jealous"
@pmclellan: I brought my Beats headphones to work, and instead of being left alone, I've had 7 rap battles and am in the finals against A$AP Carol.