@weinerdog4life: If I was a police sketch artist I would be like "is this the guy?" And they would be like "nope that's a barn" because I can only draw barns
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@TheWeirdWorld: I wonder how many medieval chefs were executed because the king’s food taster had food allergies
@ceejoyner: Using spin moves while allowing an opponent's sword to narrowly miss your head forces them to add majestic layers and volume to your hair.
@AbbyHasIssues: I like to do laundry in stages. For example, right now I’m in denial that I should be doing laundry.