@weinerdog4life: If I was a police sketch artist I would be like "is this the guy?" And they would be like "nope that's a barn" because I can only draw barns
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@Book_Krazy: Fitness coach: have you been exercising & doing push-ups? *Flashback to me running after the ice cream man & buying all the push-ups* "yes"
@adilansari: Just got a job opening demanding 13-18 yrs of experience in iOS development. Do they realize that the platform itself is 8 years old?
@Paxochka: Champagne says I'm classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.