@Midgetspar: If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn't listen to the victim. I'd draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, "Is this him."
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@MountainDouche: I have a question for you guys. After the door bell rings, how long do I have to wait to turn the TV volume back up and make any movement?
@WilliamAder: I've been hearing noises in the house for a while now and while Twitter was down last night I discovered I have a wife!
@RobbyRob313: When I said that you'd always have a place to stay in rough times, I meant like a motel or a shelter. Anyway ... You can't stay here.