@Midgetspar: If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn't listen to the victim. I'd draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, "Is this him."
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@T_N_Crumpets: [Restaurant] Me: I know in your profile it said you were small but I didn[my date falls into her soup]
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Why should we hire you for our research team?" Me: "I went to the second page on a Google search once."
@TheMichaelRock: Boss: Can I have a word with you? Me: You just had 7 with me. Good talk. Boss: But.. Me: Shhhhhhh.....