@LuvPug: If I was a pug, nobody would give me funny looks for slobbering in public or eating food off the floor.
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@KyleMcDowell86: A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face
@Sarcasticsapien: So many people are worried that The Walking Dead could happen and I'm over here terrified that Idiocracy is actually happening.
@KKenuz: my beloved wife was on the second earth as it detached from our earth and drifted forever #FirstWorldProblems
@LoveNLunchmeat: Some peanut butter M&M's just rolled under the fridge, and now I understand every sad love song ever written.