@Michael_Erhart: If I was a quotation mark, I'd be a single quotation mark.
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@platinum2000: [Confessional Booth] Me: I can't do anything right. Priest: Please get off of my lap.
@brianbowman73: Saw someone simultaneously walking while writing on a pad of paper. I yelled at them to text and drive like a normal person.
@senorwinces: If you watch Intervention backwards, it's about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
@Inconsteveable: Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.