@MommaUnfiltered: I may not know much about a lot of things, but this fact I'm sure of: A smoke detector battery will never go dead during the day.

@DurtMcHurtt: I'm walking on sunshine, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and I'm startin' to feel AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS TERRIBLE

@SCbchbum: Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what the speed limit was, like I'm getting paid to tell him his job.

@GrowlyGrego: Hey nice try, people named Tristan. Or I should say Stan Stan Stan.

@ticknada: Girls holding hands with gay guys, you don't fool me. Oh that's your bf. You still don't fool me.