@Marlebean: If I was a witch, I would curse people to have to poop right after showering
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_NTFG_: I'll tell you what's wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
@AlmightyBored: During a natural disaster be sure to keep your phone with you at all times. You never know when you might think of a joke to tweet.
@PaperWash: 6'5" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar] me: [hides behind GF] GF: HEY, WHAT THE F- me: look, we need more strong female lead char-