@explodingboy_: If I was an origami penguin, where would I hide?
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@PlainTravis: I want to be a pilot, but mostly so I'd have an excuse to tell passengers, "Where we're going, we don't need roads."
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "Stay back! I'm an expert when it comes to karate!" *mugger approaches* Me: "Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukyu Islands."
@QwertyJones3: [standing next to the boss at the urinal] Ok, don't act weird. "That's some impressive bladder volume, sir."