@explodingboy_: If I was an origami penguin, where would I hide?
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@dubstep4dads: Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral
@AGreaterMonster: The mechanic has informed me that the shrieking sound I hear in my car on my way to work is apparently me.
@BobScottCPA: But people, if you have a gift card that is all used up, do not drop it in a urinal please—it's a Big letdown to fish it out all for nothing