@jake_lach: If I was antisocial I wouldn't have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
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@themorris23: If Jesus came back today, hipsters would be like "whatever Jesus, the book was better."
@JosesLovesYou: For a hero, it's pretty cool that Mario is just a dude who ignores his real job, does mushrooms and smashes his head into things all day.
@DanMentos: LIFE HACK: If you want to remember something write it upside down on the back of your underwear waistband. You’ll see it when you’re pooping
@50NerdsofGrey: 'Do what you want!' she cried lying back on the bed. 'I love a man who takes control.' 'OK' he said and put her CDs into alphabetical order.