@ShtFatGirlsSay: If I was any hungrier Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would adopt me.
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@hipchkk: Apparently, some parents are not appreciative of a sweet super supportive air horn during a children's piano recital.
@Kennedydp5: I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food.
@leechee420: Shirts that say SWAG and YOLO for sale at Walmart. Because dressing like an idiot should be affordable.
@1_swarthy_dude: Missing area man described as boringly conventional, was easily found by multiplying height x width.