@ShtFatGirlsSay: If I was any hungrier Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would adopt me.
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@Mr_Kapowski: My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
@Momtoteens: Daughter just told me my hair looks good. The request for a ride will be coming in less than 10 minutes.
@Reverend_Scott: You see two puppies. "Awwwww!" But they're cannibal puppies! "Ahhhhhhh!" One puppy eats the other! "Ewwwww!" Then he takes a nap. "Awwwww!"
@edfoxcomedy: "Doctor: Put the IV in. Nurse: The 4 what?" - chronic problem in Roman emergency rooms