@ShtFatGirlsSay: If I was any hungrier Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would adopt me.
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@KyleMcDowell86: A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face
@mjkspeaks: [arguing with friend about chemistry] *cop walks up* do we have a problem here? Me: No. We will find a solution once you argon, officer.