@koalaslament: if I was ever in prison I'd quickly assert dominance by giving everyone a fabulous makeover
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@ConanOBrien: This summer, camp counselors all over the country will shine flashlights under their chins and read the headlines.
@lilgapeach30: If an officer asks "do you know why I pulled you over" "Because it's the only way to get girls to talk to you?" is a bad answer, apparently.