@koalaslament: if I was ever in prison I'd quickly assert dominance by giving everyone a fabulous makeover
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@AliceGolightly_: Me: You've dimmed the lights already, aren't we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
@ibid78: "Your résume says you spent 4 years in England. What were you doing?" *flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."
@bencoffeehall: Each year an average of 10 people are killed by sharks while 100 people die being stepped on by cows. Where's Cow Week, Discovery Channel?!