@koalaslament: if I was ever in prison I'd quickly assert dominance by giving everyone a fabulous makeover
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@fro_vo: [cemetery] *priest says a final prayer* *harambe's casket is lowered into the ground* *toddler falls in*
@kumailn: If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself "Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."
@dougbies: I like long, romantic walks away from women that try catching the bouquet at weddings
@nerdreign: Some days it's little things, the tone of his voice or his words when we're alone, that help me realize I'd rather have the insurance money.