@quikkim: If I was named Edward Normus, I'd use my first name's initial and my last name as much as I possibly could.
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@5hael: *smashes car through your living room* Fancy meeting you here, have you been getting my text messages?
@Dutch_50: Acquaintances: "So what have you been up to?" What I hear: "Please explain yourself, we're trying to figure you out."
@TeaPartyCat: An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.