@wolfpupy: if i was the one who drove the titanic i bet i could have hit at least 3 ice bergs before it sank
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@faisaladam_: I just saw a poster that said "have you seen this man?" With a number to call... So I called the number and told them "No."
@abbycohenwl: *pulls motorist over* COP: Are you high? MAN: If I were high would you look like a breathing tree? *one leaf silently falls from cop*
@TheTweetOfGod: Every time you sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" I'm reminded how much I disapprove of My son's friends.
@InThaBurbs: Taking my sunglasses out of 2's hands while he naps in the car is the closest I will come to diffusing a bomb.