@CubanaMama82: If I wasn't supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn't have made it taste so good with orange juice.
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai- H: What? M: I saw you pecan! H: No, I wasn- M: You're macadamian me mad. H: You're nuts.
@BackrowSeats: People that say "God never gives you more than you can handle" never met my ex-girlfriend.
@jilleb163: Sometimes I think I should introduce myself to my neighbors just so they don't describe me to the police as "Quiet and keeps to herself."
@jewfacekilla: Please leave a message after the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack.