@MisterBombay: If I were a fashion designer I wouldn't spend any money on advertising but rather pay old people to wear my competitor's clothing
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@stormy_hero: [at wedding] "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Couple kisses *yelling from the back row "AWKWAAAARD"
@CrackYouWhip: My workout schedule: 1. Run half mile 2. 10 reps of 5 lb. hand weights 3. 35 year break 4. Protein shake 5. Repeat
@WildeThingy: Jamaica has declared war on drugs. Actually, they pretty much do everything on drugs.
@thetits: Nice empty fish tank It'd be a shame if someone were to FILL IT WITH SNAKES! *the terrarium is invented*