@daemonic3: If I were a ghost, I'd spell "antidisestablishmentarianism" on the Ouija board just to waste those idiots' time.
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@mortimermaiden: Me: I need to go to the doctor but my car won't start. Mechanic: Did you try jumping it? Me: Of course, how did you think I broke my legs?
@Shock_Monster: If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I'd have to pick: My girlfriend.
@caperbc75: "Hey Frosty, calm down on the snacks. You're getting fat. Check out this six pack! You could do laundry on it!" - the Abdominal Snowman
@RamblingMachine: If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need.