@bholejuice: If I were a Greek philosopher, my name would be Mediocrites.
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@therealeatwood: DATE: I chose this restaurant for the ambience. ME: Ah, very good. [to waiter] A bottle of your finest Ambiens, please.
@yoyoha: If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone
@RobDenBleyker: Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860.