@bholejuice: If I were a Greek philosopher, my name would be Mediocrites.
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@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] No, he could speak more languages than that. He had racist shoulders. His front teeth were impatient.
@Xalqee: If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Cleaning up is a superpower. Don't you want to be a superhero? 5-year-old: I'll just be a bad guy.