@RandomManik: If I were a millionaire, I'd probably sign up Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow for a movie called, 'Salt' & 'Pepper'.
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@whalesmells: me: so did it hurt? her: yes, a lot me: when i splashed that salsa in your eye? her: I SAID YES
@BadJordon: Ruin a hipster's day by telling them how commercial you think their favorite band has become.
@GrantTanaka: *strips off clothes, stands on desolate highway holding sign saying "Last Naked Guy For 75 Miles"
@pharmasean: My sons kidnappers: if u ever want to see your son alive, press 1. Para Español marque dos Me: ugh i just want to speak to a real person