@causticbob: If I were a Scooby Doo villain, I'd take the whole thing to court. How hard can it be to overturn the testimony of 4 kids who talk to a dog?
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@behindyourback: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I did those things online"
@Sickayduh: [Cruise ship] "HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: That does it! [bangs on upstairs neighbor's door] [Elephant on a pogo stick answers] Sup? Am I being too loud?
@SaltyCorpse: I'm gonna start writing all my tweets in cursive so my kids can't read them when I'm dead.