@ClassicMegan: If I were a waitress, I'd be planting fake engagement rings in every girl's food, just to see their boyfriends panic.
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@MaryannSaintM: Stop asking me to vote for your kid in contests. I'm too nice of a person to tell you I'm surprised you got laid in the first place.
@bazlyons: They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be 'land'