@ClassicMegan: If I were a waitress, I'd be planting fake engagement rings in every girl's food, just to see their boyfriends panic.
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@KentWGraham: My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
@sageboggs: I'm glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] HR: Says here you're very good at multi-tasking *me taking a selfie & spinning in chair HR: *whispering "wow he's good"
@juliussharpe: You know it's not believable when six people rob a bank in a movie if you've ever tried to organize a dinner for six people.