@ClassicMegan: If I were a waitress, I'd be planting fake engagement rings in every girl's food, just to see their boyfriends panic.
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@murrman5: [overhears wife complaining about me on phone] he's always overreacting and making a mess *spits chocolate milk everywhere* ARE YOU SERIOUS?
@TeflonPawn: By the power vested in me by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
@Xoolun: I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.