@Dawn_M_: If I were a werewolf I wouldn't have to chain myself up at night because I don't like going out anyway.
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@MyPornKhan: I'm a married white male; my forefathers saw to it that I'm not allowed to be offended by anything.
@Brampersandon_: [infomercial] ME: wanna know how to lose 15 lbs with 1 easy trick?! AUDIENCE: YES! *a surgeon amputates my leg right there on stage*
@TheRolo: Nurse: Where does it hurt? Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*
@Tmoney68: 11:30 - Sit on toilet, open Twitter. 11:54 - Try to stand, fall to floor with numb legs. 11:55 - Get comfortable on floor, open Twitter.