@ilovepie84: If I were British I would carry around a monicle and drop it whenever I was horrified
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@Bizarro_Mark: Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long.
@girlontapas: Water leak. No water for 2 days. Then the plumber cut the cable line. No internet. No TV. 2 stinky teenagers. Send wine and bail money.
@samuelhlowe: Asked my Ouija board if I was getting laid tonight & the pointer keeps gliding back & forth between the H & the A. It's been over an hour.
@funnyordie: When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?