@deardilettante: If I were Cinderella, I wouldn't have settled for a guy who couldn't even remember what my face looked like.
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@Laser_Cat: *leans out office door* Susan, hold all my calls. I have a very important lunch. *goes to desk and makes animal crackers fight each other*
@ilovepie84: My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.
@sad_tree: When people say "You can fit a million earths in the sun!!!" I'm like: Hey. Maybe we shouldnt put any earths in the sun. The sun is hot.