@deardilettante: If I were Cinderella, I wouldn't have settled for a guy who couldn't even remember what my face looked like.
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@iSamJack: It's just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own 'Dont Feed the Animals' rule.
@mstern68: If you were my gf, I'd have a warm bath and a meal ready for when you got home every day Her: I'm your wife Like I said, if you were my gf
@ojedge: [date] Me: 'Don't let her know ur a boxing ring announcer…' Her: "Shall we order dessert?" Me: "LET'S GET READY TO EAT APPLE CRUUUUMBLE!"