@Elizasoul80: If I were Hillary, I'd ask Michelle Obama to stay on as first lady.
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@withanewname: It's like these people at the liquor store have never seen somebody pay with this much change
@notacroc: Date: Lets break the ice. Polar bear: break th-[shatters Coke bottle] BREAK THE ICE? What are you saying?! D: I mea- PB: THATS MY HOME LINDA
@envydatropic: Some people make mountains out of mole hills, some people make a competition out of crazy
@DanMentos: Ben Carson is my favorite candidate whose name sounds like a Transformer explaining to his kid why he hasn't seen him much lately