@Elizasoul80: If I were Hillary, I'd ask Michelle Obama to stay on as first lady.
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@Carter_TCB: I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would've been a lot more interesting.
@sixfootcandy: Me: Wouldn't it be funny if a hawk swooped down and grabbed one of the kids? Him: You need help.
@upsidedowntrash: [1st Row at Beyoncé Concert] Beyoncé: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] …squirrels?