@johngaysee: If I were Luke Skywalker it would have taken me about six minutes to turn R2-D2 into a bong.
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@daemonic3: [first date] *Ok don't let her know you're a vampire* "Would you like a mint?" *reaches in pocket, pulls out SPF 5,000,000,000* "Dammit"
@deardilettante: [hits you in the face with newspaper] "Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars."
@SirEviscerate: Your date leans in and whispers "I'm not wearing panties." You shiver. She continues: "I pooped a little and had to throw them away."