@johngaysee: If I were Luke Skywalker it would have taken me about six minutes to turn R2-D2 into a bong.
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@stephenjmolloy: Job interviewer: "Why do you want to join the Secret Service?" Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."
@dreamthievin: I like to imagine Supreme Court is just like regular court but with tomatoes and sour cream.
@MollySneed: [first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally.
@MarcusTheToken: Alright white people, had to Google "totes" to find out what the hell it meant. I know one of you came up with it. Cut that shit out.