@kelkulus: If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with "My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless." #SOTU
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@Turbo_Jimmy: "Ok Noah, that's 2 of everything! Did I see a 3rd sheep in your office tho?" Nope "Yea I did, it had lipstick on?" Nope, raise the anchor
@4handfuls: AC changed "laughing at your gif" to "laughing at your God" and now I've accidentally started a religious war in this group text...
@RidiculousSheri: The neighbors with the baby moved out, and now the loudest crying heard throughout the entire apartment complex comes from me.