@greg_vee: If I'd know I only had 4 decent tweets in me when I started, I'd have spread them out a little more.
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@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: Let's not talk ALL day today 6yo: Ok! Me: *holy shit yessss* 7yo: LET'S ONLY WHISTLE AND CLAP INSTEAD Me: Right. Of course.
@1Happytwit: Once in your life, you'll come across a special person that makes you think the prison food will be worth it.
@AnkCoupleTO: Her: Thank goodness you brought home a bottle of Drano, but how did you know we had a clogged drain? Me: *chugging the entire bottle* what?
@bridger_w: The general rule is that you shouldn't ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity