@PurrrrrfectCat: If ignorance truly is bliss, my coworkers must be in a constant state of euphoria.
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@GreenishDuck: When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
@mortimermaiden: Friend: *sees my new tattoo of dogs kissing* Whoa! Is that permanent?! Me: Yup. Friend: Wow. What's it mean? Me: It means I can't remove it.
@TheMichaelRock: The average family income has gone up 2% while the cost of living has increased 23%. - Me explaining to my son why he can't have a sister.
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother's Day but I hope it's laundry.