@Fickle_Filly: If I'm carrying a torch for you it's only because I want to set you on fire.
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@cm_rutvik: Jeff: i'm pro gun. Me: i'm anti gun. Greg: i'm vegan. Me: i'm pro gun, now. Jeff, give me your gun.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: where's your brother? OLDEST CHILD: where's another roll of duct tape? ME: *sprints to the basement*
@Nikkeya08: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.." Him: Do you have to say that everytime we visit my mom?
@nonsensetwit: If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled.