@Fickle_Filly: If I'm carrying a torch for you it's only because I want to set you on fire.
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@AndrewChamings: 2015: I can't believe people think the dress is blue and black 2016: I hope the human race doesn't destroy itself forever in violent chaos
@MmeSurly: My kids wouldn't stop asking me who my favorite is so I said the dog & now they're crying and I'm like THIS IS WHY THE DOG IS MY FAVORITE.
@3sunzzz: Tip from my mom: Always wear your bathrobe when at home. Then if somebody stops by unexpectedly you're "just about to hop in the shower".
@weenbeans: will you marry me? "OMG YES! I love you!!!" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too