@AmberTozer: If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me
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@tastefactory: Hey pal, you wanna take this outside? *me & the guy from the bar scoop the bug up on a napkin and set it down gently on the grass in front*
@Adar79Angie: The security camera at work has "too many instances" of me acting like a dinosaur on film. And "any amount" is "too many." According to HR.
@AaronFullerton: Excited for the return of Game of Thrones. Not excited for the return of the phrase, "If you'd read the books, you'd know that..."