@AmberTozer: If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me
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@Dank_Pal: They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys
@dafloydsta: [dropping kids off at school] ME: Ok, learn a lot today KIDS: But school doesn't start for another week ME: *speeding off* GOOD LUCK
@Parentpains: If the liquor store didn't want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
@Dana_Bruno: Wasn't wearing my glasses at the park and bent down to pet some guy's gym bag. How's your night going?!