@HumanPog: If I'm ever dangling off a cliff and your hands are full of mikes hard lemonades you better give me one so i can be refreshed on my way down
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@sad_tree: *paramedic holds me as a I lay dying* ME: Tell my family.. all I ever wanted..was a robot butler PM: With a top hat? ME: Of course you idiot
@megalot_: Well, I don't know how my tattoo is gonna look when I'm 60, Carol, but I know you'll be dead by then so
@dsmitty62: Told my mom I hit 1200 Twitter followers. She pointed out how my brother owns a house and I'm wanted by several collection agencies. Oh ma!