@monks_19: If I'm ever on life support, unplug me, let me sit for 15-30 secs, plug me back in and see if that works.
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@DaddyJew: Peter Pan is my favorite story about how running away from all your problems will allow you to remain youthful and to possibly fly someday
@ThRealBallsDeep: <at first day of t-ball practice> Me:What's the first rule here, boys? Kid:Don't poop your pants? M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Her: What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom? Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.
@HorribleDancer: Just once, I want someone to kick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.