@Sassafrantz: If I'm ever reincarnated I hope I get to be a bear because I'll be like "stop playing dead, I used to be human. That shits not gonna work!"
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@MartaEffing: Yes, you take my breath away... But so does a brisk walk, or the sight of an ugly baby. Don't be so flattered.
@PaperWash: if you eat your burrito over a tortilla, anything that falls out will simply start building your next burrito
@Where__wolf: *covers kids eyes* "Hey Billy, guess who?" "Dad!" "Nope" "I knw its u dad. I know ur voice" "Its not ur dad" "Stop jking" "Ur adopted"
@graceful_asfuck: Her: you take nice selfies Me: so I'm vain Her: no you're photogenic Me: oh so I'm ugly in real life Her: just say thanks Me: oh so I'm rude