@david8hughes: If I'm found dead in the bathtub clutching a toaster, check for Pop-Tarts before jumping to conclusions.
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@JohnLyonTweets: I thought this house was haunted by a ghost but it turned out it was Bruce Willis the whole time. Also, I broke into Bruce Willis' house.
@MarfSalvador: [Valentine's Day] Me: I got you a bunch of flowers GF: Thanks Me: There were loads just by the roadside. Got you a teddy and a candle too