@DirtMcTurd: If I'm guilty of anything it's that I care too much, that and murder
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@adamrensch: People always say "Wow, your baby looks so much like you," as though it's supposed to defy genetics & look exactly like a coffee mug.
@kivtur: *steps out of the time machine* Me: what year is this? Wife: Stop playing with the washing machine.
@katy_fit: Remember kids, don't light your own fireworks. Have the adults who have been drinking all damn day do it.