@ieatanddrink: If I'm on a date and can't think of anything to say I just make it look like I'm busy trying to figure out what a smell on my fingers is
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@drunkNnaughty: If you have to ask if it's too early to drink...you're an amateur & we can't be friends
@BlondAmbitionTO: Grammar is: 1. How we structure our sentences. 2. Grandpa's wife. Some of you will pick number two.
@mattZillaaaa: Whenever someone tells me "make yourself at home" at their house, I always clog their toilet
@Laser_Cat: "You're going out with that boy again? He's no good." "Relax, grandma." *furiously knits a condom* "Grandma, that's not how it works."