@ieatanddrink: If I'm on a date and can't think of anything to say I just make it look like I'm busy trying to figure out what a smell on my fingers is
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@TurnpikeTony: I better fix the hinge on this cabinet door before Ryan Gosling comes over, takes his shirt off and builds my lady a house.
@WheelTod: Cinderella & Clark Kent would be a fun couple. Any time she took off her shoe or he took off his glasses, it'd be: "Who the hell are you?!"
@timbolton1: BREAKING: A man who took an airline company to court after losing his luggage has lost his case.