@fillthevacuum: If insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results, I must be sane cause I don't even like doing things once.
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@better_off_dad: 16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'
@MickSnark: Me: "I like you." Date: "I like you, too." Me: "Well this just got boring."
@3sunzzz: [8am, phone rings] Hotel Desk: Ma'am we're going to be turning off the water for about 2 hours this morning. Me: No worries, I have vodka.
@Midgetgems26: When I die I want a memorial bench with a plaque that simply says 'WET PAINT' because I don't want people sitting on my bench.
@AnOrangeSNES: "Honey the baby is crowning!" *Lifts up hospital gown* "Well excuse me YOUR MAJESTY!"
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