@bkdcasey: If it acts like a duck, sounds like a duck and looks like a duck, then it is probably some girl on Instagram taking a selfie.
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@jergarl: 1980: busy signal (I'm busy af) 1990: call waiting (hold on I'm busy af) 2017: voicemail (I declined your call to watch cat videos)
@AlexRogaski: Wife: The police are here asking about a break in at the pet store Me from within a pile of puppies: Tell them I'm not here.
@KattsDogma: DA: Where r my legal briefs? Paralegal *hands him his boxers* Judge: lol Jury: We're hung Judge: ha! DA: Balls in your court Judge: DO MORE!
@realHamOnWry: I'm no different than the average working guy. I have two arms, two legs and 4.2 billion dollars. ~ Donald Trump