@bkdcasey: If it acts like a duck, sounds like a duck and looks like a duck, then it is probably some girl on Instagram taking a selfie.
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@BrakSucks: [Me and a friend have movie night, order pizza and do some acid] Me: "Hell yeah" Friend: "Hell yeah" Pizza: "Oh hell yeah"
@xofreckles: Lesson learned: toddlers don't understand sarcasm. As a side note, don't say 'bite me' around toddlers that don't understand sarcasm
@djdarrellripley: Me: What happened to all the bourbon? Her: Oh, I put it in the chicken. Me: Then pour me a glass of chicken.