@Lisabug74: If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
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@HiddenPinky: "This does not bode well." - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder.
@duplicitron: Hey lady I have bad news for you someone thought your hair was noodles and left their chopsticks in it.
@Jam453Lane: Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I'm drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny.