@GrantTanaka: If it looks like a duck & swims like a duck & talks like an angry duck policeman, then you about to fail a sobriety test son
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@68Cly29: I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
@LaytesAgain: For women, the worst part of a breakup is probably that incessant little voice whispering "Do something stupid to your hair."
@robdelaney: Those a-hole guys on "Teen Mom" don't think being a dad is "cool." Well check me out #Responsibility never looked so "swag! " lol
@ericsshadow: The fireworks have been over for hours but Rex is still barking, which is weird because he's 12 years old and not a dog. Weird little kid.