@novicefather: If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, odds are it's a vegan, black bean, veggie burger and my wife is cooking.
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@3_livi: I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.
@QwertyJones3: [Sci fi movie] How did you travel such a distance so fast? "I went through a wormhole." Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic.
@Playing_Dad: [At a One Direction concert] No, I'm not a...I SAID NO I'M NOT A BIG ONE DIRECTION FAN I JUST HATE MYSELF AND FEEL THE NEED TO SELF PUNISH
@buhsbaby_baby: Him: So what are you into? Me: *thinking of the newspaper cutouts of Justin Trudeau all over my bedroom walls and ceiling* Politics.