@lovemydogduck: If it screams, it's not food yet
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@mikeleffingwell: STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.
@animaldrumss: Publisher: Mike we can't accept your children's book. It's far too stupid for even the stupidest child. me: It was supposed to be for adults
@pleatedjeans: [1st date] me: do you want kids? her: Yes me: GREAT [pulls 7 babies out from under table] HERE'S MINE HAVE FUN GOTTA GO